I feel like I haven’t been very well connected with my emotions lately. Everything just feels like a blur—T being sick, me being sick, keeping the condo tidy, making it through work each day, attempting to eat healthy, and catching up with my mom regularly, among other things. It feels like I just grind through each day without stopping to let my thoughts through or my emotions, even just acknowledging them. The only thoughts I have that I’m actually addressing are ideas for my writing. Somehow being swamped at work means a rush of scenes and dialogue for my characters.

It’s so hard for me to stop and give myself a break. When I do, it just all feels negative. I watched a movie with T last night, let myself get completely enthralled, and I ended in tears, furious and upset. Those were the emotions that bubbled up to the surface—pure anger and melancholy. The rest of the night just felt like a mess of trying to put a cap on that bottle of unwanted feelings.

I should be writing more, but not just for my characters. For myself. Little notes in my planner aren’t cutting it. As hippie and ridiculous as it sounds to me, I need to reconnect with myself. I’m just not sure how to do that at this point.

Sometimes I really love my life.

I keep leaving my work badge at home in the mornings so I can’t even get in the building. I seriously need to be better organized.

Lately I’ve been struggling, and I’m trying so hard to come out of it. It’s not as though work or family or T or anything is bringing particularly difficult challenges my way, I just seem to be in a funk. Today I am going to do everything I can to get out of it!

I always make insane to-do lists when I’m bored at work, and I made an especially crazy one for this weekend, but I think I’m going to try to relax instead, and just get a few things done. Plus, I think T is getting sick so I’ll be busy playing nurse anyway. My to do list for this weekend:

-clean the stovetop
-work on fashion lookbook
-go grocery shopping
-do a beauty mask
-add positive quotes from Pinterest to a notebook to carry around.

I hope everyone has a fabulous Saturday!